Dear Future Me;
Right now Past You is sitting on the couch in your living room. The “Great British Bake-Off” is blaring on the television, (Paul Hollywood has just declared a contestant’s lemon-meringue tart has a “soggy bottom”) and you have just finished eating a supper of creamy macaroni. If this was any other year, a night like tonight surely wouldn’t be one to blink an eye at, but the year is 2020 and the world is anything but normal. If Past Me from five months ago told Today Me (rather cryptically) to savour 2019 in all its glory, I would have laughed in my own face and carried on writing New Year’s resolutions I’d most likely forget by the next day. It’s sad to think back on times where I felt so unhappy last year, because now I’d give anything to go back.
I’ve tried a couple approaches to combating the ever looming fear that life as I know it is over. In fact, if I have to hear the phrase “new normal” one more time I might just go and inject myself with bleach, (That’s a joke. I promise Future Me will find it funny). I’ve tried crying, baking, singing, writing, exercising, dancing, more crying and burying myself into the piles of schoolwork, because at least my grades are one thing I can control. But you know what Future Me? I’ve finally come to accept that I won’t ever know how the world will look in the future ‘till I get there, but when I get there I don’t ever want to take for granted what now feels like. ‘Cause it SUCKS Future Me! So don’t you dare complain about eating casserole for two nights in a row ever again!
One could argue I don’t have a right to complain, because I’m not sick, my family isn’t sick and I don’t live in the U.S. (just kidding…mostly). In some ways I agree, it could be worse, but that logic can be applied to everything. Someone’s problem could theoretically always be worse and that doesn’t diminish the suckiness of someone’s current situation. So henceforth, I give myself the right to complain with the one condition that I have to make it humorous. After all, I don’t want to depress you, Future Me.
The 8 Most Sucky Things That Suck About Living on May 15th of 2020:
1. POLITICIANS ARE STUPID: This one really isn’t new to the current situation but you have got to be kidding me. Today’s headline could have been “BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP DECLARES WAR ON HIS OWN COUNTRY” and I would have been less surprised than when I heard some of the real crap displayed on national television these days. At this point, the U.S. would be better run by a mime. You heard me. He or she would just stand beside the health officials and let them do all the talking and it would be less insane than the actions of the current leader. Future Me, I really hope you’re living in a time free of the orange leaders dusty cheeto fingered wrath.
2. RATIONING MORE THAN JUST FOOD: Sure you’ve heard of panic buyers at grocery stores, leading to mass shortages of the all important, multi use, most exciting items like… toilet paper (why did everyone choose that one again?). But, you might not have heard of the newest first world problem; TV rationing. No it does not refer to slicing our television into four equal pieces and handing one to each family member. It refers to something far more frightening.
Running out of good shows.
In a house of two teens, two adults and two pesky pets, everyone’s got an opinion and finding a show everyone is interested in is like finding a needle in a haystack on the moon. I’ve calculated the chances, they’re something crazy like 1 in a quadrillion…but the point is when we find one, under no circumstances can we binge watch it or even watch it at all if one of the interested parties is missing. Because who knows how long this quarantine style way of life will last. If it’s gonna take every season of the “Great British Bake-Off” to get us through, you gotta do what you gotta do. Sure you’ve been dying to know who wins with their three-tiered layer cake covered in intricate fondant roses, but Mom’s asleep on the couch, so guess you’ll have to wait.
3. HOW DREAMY… NOT!: Speaking of sleeping, everyone keeps saying how nice it is to be able to sleep in or go to bed whenever you please. Usually this would sound AWESOME to me but for some reason I can’t get to sleep until 2 am and my dumb brain wakes me up at 9 am. Now 7 hours doesn’t sound that bad, but when every night is ridden with the strangest dreams imaginable I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept a wink. Last night I dreamt I was on a ZOOM call with the cast of “The Office ” and the only way I could leave was if I answered enough ridiculously specific trivia questions on the topic “18th Century History”. These days are weird enough already, I don’t really don’t need my nights to be as well.
4. TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL???: The B.C. government has just announced, schools are opening! Sort of! If we so choose we can go back once a week, with limited numbers, and preferably outside. Some families are happy, some are not. As always, there’s drama that I think is unnecessary, considering all this hullabaloo is for a grand total of three days for each student in high school. Mom keeps me updated on the dialogue between the adult folk and at this moment it seems pretty split. But the last thing I want are parents 6 feet apart in the school parking lot protesting the opening of my beloved Pender Island Elementary Secondary School! Like please just let me do my algebra in peace!
5. PENDERITES GONE ROGUE: In between the daily horrors of mass shootings and plane crashes, the news like to tell one story over and over again. “COVID-19 is bringing people together”, metaphorically of course. And sure on the surface it looks that way, celebrities are singing songs together from their multi million dollar mansions, grandparents are reading bedtime stories to their grandchildren over video calls, and pretty much every song ever made has a coronavirus parody on YouTube. We’ve seen throughout history that when the world is faced with a lot of bad, most of the human race comes together and focuses on the good. Unfortunately, this positive pattern has not repeated itself on the “Pender Island Online Forum” where (as the subheading reads) is a place to talk about things that matter. Well, whether the subject is something that matters or not, everyone and their dogs seem to have an opinion on it. Planted petunias in your yard last week? Somebody’s great uncle (twice removed) is allergic to petunias and is offended you’re growing them. And with all the drama that comes with an infectious disease, there was bound to be a whole slew of keyboard warriors with no filter on the state of our world. I won’t name any names but just be warned the next time you check your Facebook in search of some innocent cat videos.
6. ZOOM ZOOM: Now don’t get me wrong, I love all of my classmates. I’ve always considered every student who’s braved the highs and lows of the PEEC class to be like family. But as I’m becoming increasingly aware throughout these many days at home, as much as I love and cherish my blood relatives, it doesn’t mean I can’t find them annoying and from time to time my peers can get on my nerves too. Now, you would think that one’s less appealing qualities would be better shielded behind an internet barrier but NOPE people act exactly the same. If you’re quiet in class, chances are you’re quiet in a ZOOM call. Laugh obnoxiously loud so that no one can hear a word the teacher or anyone else is saying? Yeah I was shocked to find out that can happen on a call too. Thank god everyone in my class is at least 75% technologically savvy, or else it would be an even worse nightmare. Of course I love to see my friends (at least the ones who bother to turn on their camera) but I think everyone can agree it’s not at all the same. Have I made it clear enough I don’t like ZOOM calls? I think I have, let’s move on.
7. BLEACHY BAGELS: I’m really grateful that Dad still has a steady income, and we can afford to send Mom into Tru Value once a week for all the essentials, (like cinnamon bun Oreos! Which I highly recommend). But once she gets out of the store nobody DARE touch those groceries until they’ve been properly sanitized. And for my mom, sanitization is like a 5 act ballet. It is a delicate dance, and there are very specific steps to be followed. One of those steps includes what seems like a 10 minute soak in a bubbly bath of bleach! The bad news is every bite I take I’m scared of being poisoned. The good news is any corona virus who dares come near my mom doesn’t stand a chance. I’m warning you COVID-19, she’s armed.
8. C’EST LA VIE: Last, but certainly not least my creme de la creme of complaints. What one might call the cherry on top of the chaos sundae. Almost exactly two months from now we were meant to be in Paris! Freakin’ France! I’ve been studying French nonstop these past six months, conversing with my French speaking father and dreaming of crisp croissants by the Champs-Élysées. But at least for now I’ll have to try and laminate my own butter into a beautiful flaky pastry…
I’m sorry what was that?
Grocery stories are low on baking supplies because suddenly everyone wants to bake in quarantine?
Future Me are you hearing this?!
Take on the World 